he listened to my demands and went this entire week without trying to talk to me. then he texts me and it can be the simplest thing but it still feels like a punch to the heart.
argh I wish I could be unaffected by him.
what ev. I'm going to ignore it
The sucky thing is i gotta pay like $250 within 7 days, right after I just paid rent! And in December of all months :(
I'll manage though.
I have only 2 weeks of class left. I have such a high average in both classes that i can completely ditch the Finals and still get a C for a final grade. i wont skip the finals of course, cause I want A's. In astronomy all I'll need is a C on the final in order to get an A in the class. I'm still going to study hard though. I cant wait for my 5 weeks off. There are sooo many books I want to read but haven't had time to. And I'll finally be able to cook every night again! Not only that but since I wont have school after work I'll be able to take Es to the park after I get out of work the way I used to.
Its frustrating how incredibly mis-informed people are about world and government issues. This lady in my class the other night actually said that Osama bin Laden was alive and well and living the good life under United States protection, that we didn't want to catch him cause we wanted to pro long the war because of the Heroin in Afghanistan. I was like, is this fuckin lady serious???!!! The sad thing was she was totally serious! She strongly believed what she was saying. I guess it disappointed me the stupidity and narrow mindedness of people. I have been giving the masses the benefit of the doubt for too long I suppose. But they are quick to believe what they are told and too lazy to look up the facts and do the research to form their own opinions.
So next weekend is my birthday!! I'm taking Friday off to get a nice 3 day weekend. Me and the girls are supposed to go up to Hollywood and stay there for a night. I'm looking forward to that.
So I visited my grandparents at the cemetery last night. It had been years since I've gone to visit them. I'm really good at blocking sad or emotionally draining things out of my mind. I'm really good at controlling my emotions in general (most of the time). So I don't really let myself think about them too often, and how immensely I miss them, but 1 of my classes is right across the street from the cemetery so I stopped by their grave (they share a plot) to have a little chat. It was nice, not too sad at all, I'm going to visit much more often. Its just scary, to see all that death all those tombstones, and to be reminded of how fragile and short life is, and how it can all slip away at any moment. I get little pangs of panic every time I think of dying before Es is a grown man. There is so much I want to teach and tell him... ahhh ok I dont really want to talk about this anymore.
..until next time...
- Music:arcade fire- wake up
how people still, in this melting pot of religious and cultural freedom
can be so hateful, and act it out in violence
be so judgmental under the guise of Christianity
forbid gay marriage in the name of God
while they themselves have multiple divorces and infidelities
why do people care so much how others live their lives??
why can't Life be alone left to grow?
- Mood:
contemplative
is it weird that I dreamt of a plane crashing outside my window last night, and when I woke in the morning the first thing I saw on the news was a story of a plane colliding with a helicopter and crashing into the ocean?
So its Halloween weekend. Boo Ball tonight, i am excited for that, I'll post pictures of all the awesome costumes I see... then taking Es trick or treating tomorrow. I heard of this clinic that has the swine flu shots, so I'm taking him to try to get that this weekend too. Hopefully the lines arent insane. I also have 200 pages to read for Chicano Studies class. And I also want to take him to the zoo or Sea World.
Still seeing the new guy. Things are good. Yes i am still paranoid and don't trust him for shit...but I think it would take a lot of effort and time to fix that, and I dont see it changing any time soon.
I finished the Bill Clinton book, and have been reading extensively on the original america... America before it was stolen from the Spaniards and Europeans.. before the blood, death, massacres, senseless killing, slavery, and racism..
Did you know the government used to pay bounties for every Indian murdered by a white man? Its all so sobering and depressing. Seriously. It is so unjust. even what happened to Bill (with his impeachment trial), and the Gore/Bush election, there was such rampant corruption from the far right, bending of laws for their advantage... it is so disgusting. No matter how 'civil' we see ourselves, we still put people in power that do not have our best interest at hearts, and take joy in exploiting and hurting others for their financial gain. They put on this huge masquerade cause the average American is just too fuckin stupid and aloof in their little bubble to really look behind the curtains. It never ends though. It's been happening since Plymouth rock. And even though we no longer skin and scalp Indians, and steal land from the Caribbean islands and Mexicans, we're still the big monster under the bed in so many other ways...
As long as there is a race of people who see themselves as superior the cycle of violence and evil will never end.
I think of Afganistan, Rowanda, religious battles in Ireland, Korea, all of those places fighting and killing all because they think their God is the right one, and they are superior and are therefore "just" in murdering those of opposing views.
Well I will ramble on too long if I get into any more detail. I have just read lately some very alarming and horrific things, that has really made me look at the full picture. and it's sad thats all. It's sad and I'm helpless.
"Andrew Jackson's men massacred and cut off the noses of 557 Creeks [indians], then skinned the dead bodies to tan the Indian hides and make souvenir bridle reins."
"In some ways, the five tribes were far ahead of the Founding Fathers, for they prohibited slavery and they recognized the voting rights of women."
"Manifest Destiny, the term emerging as the 19th century code-phrase for racial supremacy."
Wall Street's currency speculators and investment bankers have repeatedly shown their ability to wreck entire economies halfway around the globe in a matter of hours- a power greater than the Roman or Ottoman empire ever wielded."
-Juan Gonzalez
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:need you now- antebellum
-California's prison system costs $10 billion a year. Its crumbling, overcrowded facilities are home to the highest recidivism rate in the country. And the state that was once was the national model in corrections has become the model every state is now trying to avoid.
-California can't afford its prisons. Taxpayers spend as much money locking people up as they do on the state's entire education system.
-the problem started when Californians voted for a series of get-tough-on-crime laws in the 1980s. The state's prison population exploded immediately. It jumped from 20,000 inmates, where it had held steady throughout the 1960s, 1970s and early 1980s. Today there are 167,000 inmates in the system.
-Then came the "Three Strikes You're Out" law in 1994. Offenders who had committed even a minor third felony — like shoplifting — got life sentences.
-Gov Pete Wilson endorsed the 3 strikes law, and the the correctional officers union then donated $1 million to Wilson after he backed the law.
-Since the laws went into effect and the inmate population boomed, the union grew from 2,600 officers to 45,000 officers. Salaries jumped: In 1980, the average officer earned $15,000 a year; today, one in every 10 officers makes more than $100,000 a year.
-70 percent of the budget (10 million) goes to pay salaries and benefits to the union and staff. Just 5 percent of the budget goes to education and vocational programs — the kind of programs that study after study in the past 10 years has found will keep inmates from returning to prison.
-"I have 1,797 inmates who read below the 9th grade level; 394 of those read below the 4th grade level," Bracy says. "When we put them back out on the streets, they're not employable."
Bracy only has a handful of vocational programs left, enough to reach less than 10 percent of Folsom's inmates — and the state plans to cut even that in half in the next few weeks.
-"It's just not cost-effective to throw men and women in prison and then do nothing with them," she said. "And shame on us for thinking that's safety. It's not public safety. You lock them up and do nothing with them. They go out not even equal to what they came in but worse."
The numbers bear that out, with 90,000 inmates returning to California's prisons every year.
-compare that to the Braille program here at Folsom. Inmates are learning to translate books for the blind. In 20 years, not a single inmate who has been part of the program has ever returned to prison. This year, the program has been cut back to 19 inmates.
- Mood:disgusted
- Music:KPBS news radio
I just dont know how I'm going to deal with this throughout his youth. I get so mad and overprotective. I used to have this crazy ass cat named Nosy. I kind of adopted her so she had a lot of wild tendancies. she was scared of anyone but me and would run away whenever she saw humans. She was always outside and would only come in at night to sleep on the foot of my bed. anyways whenever she had a liter of kittens she'd get crazy. like anytime a dog was within 20 feet of her she would seriously attack them. she'd jump on their head and body biting and scratching the shit out of them. One of the times though my sisters friend had his pitt bull in front of our house, Nosy and the kittens were inside, but once she noticed the dog outside she found her way out and jumped on his face. I was scared out of my mind and screaming (I was around 12 years old), we finally got them apart and I was thankful he didn't get her in his jaw and use that infamous lock jaw that pitts are known for...
Everytime something like this happens I think of my cat risking her life for her babies. And that inherit motherly chip inbedded in females. The instinct to protect and all costs.
I also think back to my own elementary school years and they were the worst of my entire school career. Seriously. I was always picked on in elementary. usually by boys. In 1st and 2nd grade it was so bad that I wouldnt even want to go to school. i dont remember ever telling my mom or the teachers ever saying anything. I was a shy and quiet kid. I just silently suffered and lived in terror, and when I think of Es feeling what I felt as a child it makes my skin crawl. By 6th grade it was more of a sophisticated and catty bullying. The other girls always talked crap about me and spread rumors cause my clothes were shitty and my mom shopped at Payless and Thrift Village. At that time we were homeless but i dont know if they had realized that. Thrift Village was the ultimate embarrassment in 6th grade, and yet I was always forced to go with my mom. I always prayed nobody I knew would see me going inside or coming out of it. It wasn't until junior high and high school that I made lots of friends and really enjoyed school.
anyways I'm going to do everything I can to ensure Es is not taunted by bullies. EVER.
my legs are sore. I finally ran yesterday. I've been so lazy the past 2 months. I havent done any excersise whatsoever. But I totally notice a difference. i feel tired more and lazy and drained. when I excersise and eat right I have much more energy. I'm going to go back to being really really diligent about eating healthy, especially with the flu season coming on. I want to be as healthy as possible. Es ran with me too. he loves our runs. When I get paid next week I'm buying us bikes. I live in an apartment so we dont have a yard to play in, which is why he doesnt have a bike already. But I'm going to buy him and myself one so we can start riding a couple miles a few times a week. i think it will be fun and a good source of excersise for the both of us.
ok well back to work... it's friday and I dont feel like doing a damn thing! responsibilities call though..
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:dear momma- 2pac
So this little brat Ethan wont leave Es alone. Last time he punched him and left a bruise and so I made a huge deal about it at school. Since then the boy has still been bugging and antagonizing Es but not hitting him, today they had a substitute and when it came time for them to sit on the rug, the boy went and sat behind Es then threw his head into Es's back! Es scooted up on the rug so did the boy. es scooted up again so did the boy. Then when Es raised his hand to tell the teacher, she said it wasn't talking time and hands down. so he didnt even tell a teacher about it. Oooo I was furious. I was in the car when he told me and made a U turn and drove back to school and stormed into the office.The principle was out today so i talked to the clerk and also the school counselor. She talked with Es and got all the details. She said she'd speak to the principle and teacher tomorrow so they make sure it stops.
It doesnt help though I am still furious. How does a 6 year old have violent tendancies already? where the fuck are his parents? do they not know anything about morals, decency and respect?
I'm going to walk es to class tomorrow morning and look for that kids parents so we can have a little "chat". I might even sit in during class..
fucking little bastard thinks he can put his hands on my boy and get away with it??? I dont fucking think so.
ok thats the end of my rant. though it didnt really help cause I'm still pissed the fuck off.
argh
- Mood:
angry
The other day Es told me a boy Ethan punched him in the arm during the pledge of allegiance. I asked if he told his teacher he said yes he did, but she didnt see it happen. So I didnt think all that much of it, but I told him if it happened again to make sure he went up to her and told her. Then this morning after he got out of the shower he goes "look mommy this is where Ethan hit me" and there was this big purple bruise on his arm! I was shocked! How could a little 1st grader hit my son so hard to leave a purple mark? I was fuckin pissed. I called the school principle and told him I was appalled that someone had put their hands on my son, and so hard that it left a mark and I was never even told about it. I had to hear from my child. I told him the story and he said he'd talk to the teacher and have her call me about it.
i dont like this one bit. I'm too overprotective for that kind of bullshit. That school is going to have some serious problems if it happens again and that teacher does absolutely nothing again.
Fuckers.
ok end rant.
I had my first major astronomy exam on Wednesday. We have weekly quizzes worth 10 points each every week but this test was worth 100 points so i was kind of freaking out about it and cramming like crazy. I spent a good 2 hours on monday, 3 hours on Tuesday and 2 hours on Wednesday.. well it paid off cause I only missed 2 questions out of 50, getting a score of 96. I was stoked cause that shit was hard. It was all about what astronomers discovered what, the names of the different planet alignments, the phases of the moon, the different formulas for the speed of light, tempature wavelength peaks, kirchoffs laws, Newtons laws, Keplers laws, plancks law, telescopes etc.. just a bunch of technical boring crap. None of the solar system fascinating stuff, which we're now starting to get into.
ok well thats all for now. i will leave you with these thoughts to ponder-
Max Bauchus, the supposed democrat which made the health care reform bill taking out the public option for universal health care received over 3 million dollars from health care lobbyists between 2003 and 2008. 3 MILLION DOLLARS!!! Now ask yourself, who's interest does he have at heart? Middle class america surviving paycheck to paycheck not even able to afford health care for their children in a de-regulated out of control system, or does he care about preserving his bank account and keeping his healthcare buddies happy? he needs to stop calling himself a democrat.
Its disgusting that the people we rely on to make the right choices for us can be bought like a big mac at a drive thru.
ok I'm off. toodles noodles
- Mood:
lethargic
I apologize for the neglect. this week has been busy..
Es started 1st grade this week, I wish I could upload pictures on here from my phone. I'm so lazy about putting them on photobucket. here's just 1 since I'm too lazy to do anymore..
He likes it, but of course I am still paranoid about the swine flu. I make him keep a hand sanitizer pump and anti bacterial wipes in his desk.
I spent all Tuesday night making flash cards for astronomy studying and watching msnbc. I LOVE keith olberman, he is so fucking awesome. Racheal Maddow show is good too.
Wednesday was crazy, cause I had to leave work to pick up Es from school, then drop him off with jackie after work because his grandma was still in Mexico, then rush home to change then rush to school for class. All the while studying my flash cards every second I got.
I didn't get a perfect score this time. i got 2 wrong, and one was soo simple, but it wasnt in my flashcards so I didnt remember! It was retrograde motion of planets. is it westward or eastward? my gut said west but i ended up picking east. argh. then i got my in class assignment back and got a 4 out of 5. I was very frusted to say the least. i want perfect scores on everything and it's annoying me that it's not happening. we have an extra credit assigmment we can turn in by december 2nd. But I'm so obsessive about my grade that I've already started it and am half way finished. After class I had to get Es, food, then go home. i was so tired and drained and didn't get to bed till after 11.
yesterday after the whole 'YOU LIE!' incident and seeing it all over the news and hearing what i heard, I was in horrible mood all day. I cant understand how people cant be so flagrantly disgustingly disrespectful. seriously words cannot express how angry i am that people take every sliver of distruth they can find and turn it into fuel for hating our president. people like that aren't even logical, you cant even hold discussions with them because it doesnt matter what you say, they have chose to hate and will cling onto every justifcation to do so. work was abuzz with politcal talk. I am glad i work with all democrats... well aside from the boss man of course.
so because of my horrible mood i decided to throw a small dinner party and have a couple drinks. lani, jackie, Megan and Mannah came over. I went on my politcal rant for a tiny bit, aside from that it was nice, i fed everyone, we talked, laughed and hung out till round midnight or so.
Tonight Es is staying with his grandma and uncles and aunt, so I'm goin out with the girls. but back to work now..
oh and here is why i love keith olberman-
- Location:work
- Mood:political
ok I've had about enough of this bullshit. I cant even turn on the news without hearing about hillbillie southern republicans comparing Obama to Hilter, Sadam Hussen and that Korean Communist dude. Its disgusting. These people take every single thing he does and turns it around to attack him. and its increasingly the southern bible belt of america, the under educated religious, "i am holier than thou" single minded idiots.
What it comes down to is that none of those people wanted a black man to run their country. NONE of them, especially in the south where racism is still abundant, so they make these ridiculous comments, these comparisions, these attacks on him, and use half wit religious morons like O'reilly, Beck, and Limbaugh to main stream their racism and obama phobias. Whats even more pathetic is that people listen to that bullshit blindly, and don't go and search for all the facts themselves. Not even most of those fuck sticks attacking the health bill have even read or SEEN it! They believe what they're told and welcome any more reasons to hate the man they've already pre decided to despise.
And now Obama scheduled a meeting to speak to kids in schools next week, and you have these Fox News fuckers urging parents to keep their kids home that day! really??? really??! oh cause he's hilter right??? keep the kids safe from hitler!!! we wouldnt want their little minds tainted or the possibility they might think for theselves or even worse!! become...... (heaven forbid) democrats!!! Lets just overlook the fact that both Reagan and Bush Senior both scheduled the same school speakings and even Bush talked about the importance of cutting taxes! But that was ok right? If a WHITE old republican wants to talk to your kids it's safe, even when they push their political agenda. But if our black president wants to go talk to kids about NOTHING political and only about the importance of staying in school and education, then suddenly he's Sadam Hussein!
omg it makes me sooo angry and dissapointed in our country. Its sad how fucking stupid sheep act when they dont get their way. Well you know what fuckers? You all had your 8 years, now it's our time. My 6 year old son acts more mature than grown ass men and women. They should be ashamed and speak up when they have legitimate critisims, off of FACTS not fear or fabrications.
- Location:in bed
- Mood:disgusted
lol
when we were in the market after work picking up groceries, he looked at me funny then said- "mommy your hair looks weird today" (it was up in a sloppy bun with stray hairs sticking out everywhere, I tend not to care when I'm hungover). anyways so I said "I know baby, I'm a mess today." and he goes "noooo mommy you're not a mess!! Everything else is perfect. It's just your hair."
my baby's so cute.
ok well time to eat then chillax.....
my back hurts like hell.. my head doesn't hurt I'm just super tired and feel like a dumb ass. Like I have to read things 2 or 3 times just to get it. I need to get to my bed asap.
Went to Megan's friends house for a barbeque pool party lastnight. It was a blast!! we ate, drank, mingled, laughed, jumped in the pool, then jumped in the jacuzzi... it was awesome and her people crack me up, they are too funny...
when the pool closed at 11 we moved the party to Megan's house, where it was more great times.. I kept telling everyone who would listen to look at the moon and see Jupiter lol.
Around 1 I got a call from a weird number and when i picked up some guy started talking to me. I kept asking who it was and didnt realize but it was will.. he thought I was with my "boyfriend" (the one he fabricated in his mind) so he hung up. then called back literally 60 seconds later lol.
we were talking about I dont even know what.. eventually i went up there to his house. My bathingsuit was still damp.. took a shower, and of course I started talking about Jupiter again lol.. so we went outside. him in his boxers, me in a towel and his enormous sandals that felt like tennis rackets on my feet, and we stood in his driveway for a while looking at the moon.. and jupiter and the stars and having this crazy converastion about the universe. it was a good memory.. with him there are probably more bad memories than good ones, but that will be one that gets filed in the good archives in the edges of my thoughts.. in a towel, his shoes, in his arms at 3am discussing the stars.
ok well back to woooorrrk. I really wish i could leave but everyone is gone! we are so short handed that calling in sick wasn't even an option. I'm glad it's not super busy today because my retarded mind wouldnt be able to handle it
- Location:work
- Mood:uucckkkkkk
- Music:KPBS radio
he mentioned that you can see jupiter by the moon right now. that it's orbit is in our view and will be visible for a few more weeks. So after class i looked up at the moon and there it was! bright ass big star looking thing that was Jupiter. I showed Es too, he was all excited.
He starts school on Tuesday, I've got to take him to get a hair cut today after work. I've already got him new clothes and shoes and supplies, so I think we're just about all set. I am so paranoid about swine flu though. They project this winter that 40-50% of the population will become infected. And immunizations won't be ready till October. Last school year he was sick ALL of the time. Seriously, for months straight he would have coughs or sniffles. It wasn't until his summer vacation that he's had no colds whatsoever. I am just going to have to talk to his teacher and tell her I want a hand sanitizer on his desk at all times, also antibacterial wipes so he can wipe down his desk daily. hopefully the teacher doesn't mind.
this week has been soooo hot! like insanely hot. This morning for instance on the way to work it was already almost 80 degrees! I made sure to stop and get food for lunch, cause i dont want to go out in that sun until it's time to leave at 5. I can't wait for the weekend, so I can jump into the ocean...
alright well back to the grind...
- Mood:
good
Today I am back. the old me is back. the happy blissful focused one who's written off men and love. It feels so good to be unaffected by a male. This time I've got to keep it this way and not let will inch his way back in again.
I do have a dinner date on thursday though. but it's kind of blah.. I don't see anything coming out of it.
ok so I have been thinking of the future... and thinking I might minor in Political Science or foreign affairs or some kind of government based subject. My first plan was just to major in English. But then I changed my mind to major in english and minor in spanish... but now I am thinking of double minor- spanish and poly sci. But it totally depends on what the counselor says and what the class work load would be.
Its just that, aside from books and snorkeling, my main passion is politics. I mean I get so engrossed in it when I talk about things that i sometimes start yelling. and after I've gone on my rants, throwing out all my facts, statistics and examples, to anyone I always get the same reaction- which is the advice that i need to run for office. So if I did i think i would try for something really small like city council. Then I could actually work to change all the things I get so emotional about.
But thats all secondary to my main plan which is teaching high school. Maybe after poly sci classes and more knowledge on the subjects I'll get turned off to the idea.
In the meantime though I'm going to see what it would take to get that double minor.
And I'm moving too slow. i think spring I might try for 3 classes... I might hate life for a bit, but if I want to finish within the timeline I have in mind I've got to take more than just 2 classes a semester plus intersessions..
ok well back to work. .. after I get off I'm meeting pegah to go over more of our writing projects..
toodles noodles
Lately when I've had stressful days at work i go to this used book store called Book Off, where they have a huge selection of $1 books and I get lost in reading the backs of books, and sifting through all of the authors. I've found lots of books there I'd already bought like at Target or Borders and spent like 12 bucks on. And they're there for only a dollar!
I found 2 Alice Hoffman books last Friday. I've read 3 of her books this month already so I was on the hunt for some more. It's weird how just doing that can lift my mood. everything else just shuts down and I forget about life, about everything. And the best part about it, is i can buy whatever I want cause they're so cheap!
anyways.. work has sucked today. and my back is acting up. ever since i sprained it that one time, all these pains flare up out of nowhere. It was fine all weekend, but the minute I got back to work it started hurting again. It hurt most of last week too. I think it's my chair at work so i switched out my chairs today.
stupid back.
anyways back to the grind...
- Location:work
- Mood:
blah
ALL shelters for battered women have received a 100% funding elimination. That means boys and girls, that not a single dollar in state funding is going to shelters for battered women. They have to either shut them all down or hope to find private donators. That means these women will stay in dangerous and abusive relationships or end up on the streets without the counseling and support and rehabilitation a battered shelter would offer.
So again lets give Arnold a round of applause for all the fanfuckintastic work he's doing for our great state!
- Location:work
- Mood: cynical
- Music:KPBS radio
Astronomy starts next week. I am looking forward to that...
I finished another book last night, another Alice Hoffman book. This one took 2 days, going to start a new one tonight..
back to work...
- Mood:
chipper
lol. he doesnt realize the global effect animals have and just sees them as zoo attractions. it was cute..
ok back to work
- Location:work
- Music:sade- lovers rock
day 3 and I'm done with book 2. Within the past week alone I have flew through 2 books. I dont even remember reading this much in school. My current car audio book is Anderson Cooper Dispatches from the Edge. And let me tell you I loved Anderson before, but now I love him even more. He is so eloquent, and has been through and seen so much. His life fascinates me..not to mention he's pretty hot for a rich older man. *sighs*
its like a light has been turned on in me and I cant and dont want it to dim. Ever since I have decided to finish school and get a degree its like everything else has turned too. I cant get enough knowledge. Facts. Histories. Books. POlitics, Novels. its never enough. and even main stream society, reality TV and TV that is "entertaining" just disgusts me. I never even turn on my TV anymore except for the news or to watch a DVD. The fact that we get so enveloped in this nonsensical bullshit. the drama of someone else's existence, when there is REAL stuff going on out there! There are fates being decided, schools shutting down, people dying, war in afganistan, and uncontrollable number of women being raped regularly in Africa- young women being raped and disowned by their families when they become pregnant, albino's being hunted and chopped into bits and pieces like a clip from a michael myers movie, school bombings... stupid ignorant fucking people claiming this health care plan will pay for illegals, pay for abortions, when it has been clearly stated by the democrats reviewing the bill that it will do no such thing. Fools throwing around the word socialism like it's candy to scare the masses the same way they scared the fucking sheep into voting for Bush a 2nd time. Claiming "government death panels", government run care blah blah oohhhh all so scary so fucking scary!!! what the fuck do you call wel-fare asshole? How about medicare for seniors and vets? All of those programs run efficienctly with only about 6% overhead costs as opposed to 30% or higher in the public option. And all those representatives telling us what a bad idea it is, have government healthcare themselves!! Good enough for them but not for us? The sad fact is the public health insurance companies see it as a cash cow, and put in millions to fund political campaigns, therefore buying off senators and congressman.. its disgusting that it all comes down to money and not the health and lives of the American people. They dont want a thing changed cause that means they will have to lower their prices in order to compete with the government and stop fucking raping us all in the ass everytime we have to see a doctor or go to an emergency room. I can go on and on. it just sickens me, the people who flat out don't care and then there are the others that are so blind and mis informed and believe what some random fucking person tells them instead of actually checking the facts themselves. The greed in the foundation of all of our major institutions just makes me feel helpless and sad and ANGRY that in general the masses are a bunch of fucking idiots and sheep. It sucks shit through a straw and I hate it.
ok end vent. i really went off on a tangent there.
um.. so I let Es see his dad finally this weekend. His summer is almost over and he's only went to visit him twice now. I still dont like it, and think it will be a while before he goes there again.
Will came over on Friday night after work. we spent the weekend up until sunday together and it was like old times, when there was no bullshit or it just didn't matter to me. We woke up early on Saturday and I made us a big breakfast, then we got ready to hit the beach. I'd heard the leopard sharks and sting rays hang out by a resturant in La JOlla shores and was hell bent on snorkeling with some. so we went and there were tons of snorkelers looking for the same things we were, but all I saw was the beige sand floor under mounds of clear water.. no sea life in sight. I kept swimming out but Will wouldnt go deep. The ocean and waves were kicking his ass he didnt know how to just float on top of the waves and let them wash over you the way I do. The snorkel mask felt unnatural and only burdened him.
After 20 minutes in the waves and no sharks we left and went to the cove where'd I'm gauranteed some sea life sightings.
They were definitely out all right. some swimmers were feeding the fish and therefore attracting schools of big gold garabaldi's. Will swam out enogh with me to enjoy it but kept swimming back to shore cause he couldnt hang. I couldnt believe there was actually a sport in the world that I am way better at than him. It was shocking. He saw enough though to understand my love for it. and right before we left an injured sea lion swam to shore. I have never seen one come so close to shore, it was maybe 4 feet from the water's edge. It had a huge open gash on it's back and was swimming slowly and cautiously, eyeing all of us. It was a beautiful thing to see and be so close to. I mean sure I see sea lions at sea world like 1 foot away from me, but it's different seeing them out in the wild like that. He swam off and on his way out brushed up against a totally oblivious snorkeler who popped his head up and looked around wondering what in the hell had just touched him.
After we'd gone home and showered we had dinner at Bennihana's. It was great, but then again Bennihana's is always great. Then we went and watched The Proposal. Mainly cause there was nothing else playing, I wasn't expecting the movie to be as good as it was or for me to enjoy it as much as I did. even will liked it.
Sunday after I'd dropped him off at work I went to Balboa park. I'd been meaning to check out some museums there. I've lived here since birth and yet have never stepped foot in most of our museums. I chose the art museum and was astounded at the way some of those paintings moved me, how they seemed so lit and full of life. I left in awe and inspired and came home, cleaned up bit them started in on the book I just finished tonight. It was a page turner, those are the best and worst because I find myself staying up way too late in the night reading more and more. This one was called Fortune's Daughter by Alice Hoffman. In highschool Hoffman was my favorite author but I kind of drifted away from her type of novel..
oh and Friday afternoon me and Jackie went to the Del Mar Race track. another San Diego attraction I had never experienced. I only went cause my 3rd favorite band The Airborne Toxic Event was playing there after the races. I wasn't expecting to enjoy the races or like it so much. We really had a great time. The atmosphere, the excitement, the betting, the way everyone screams and yells and jumps, fists pumping in the air as the horses come around the corner to the race's end. It was pretty awesome.
ok well I'm gonna watch some Bill Maher then pick out my next book.
goodnight all.. have a great week!
- Mood: thoughtful
- Music:in bed
will definitely post tonight and read up on the friends page....
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olivialove- Olivia
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